Saving What We Love
by MrsCatherineWinter
Summary: After the battle of Crait, the story continues, and Rey and Ben keep on visiting each other during their Force bond. "Have you given up on me?" he askes. "No. I will never give up on you, Ben," she replies. Because it is as Rose had said: "That's how we're gonna win. Not by fighting what we hate. But saving what we love."
1. Chapter 1

_First of all, I have to admit that I am not a native speaker, so there might be a few mistakes, but if you were so kind as to write me a message to tell me of them, I would immediately correct them._

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to George Lucas and Disney, and I don't earn my money with these stories._

**Saving What We Love**

ONE

Rey couldn't sleep. For hours now she had been tossing around in her luxurious bed but to no avail. She kept thinking of what had happened that day. It was so much that she couldn't believe that it had been only _one_ day. Last night she had still been on Ahch-To, learning from Master Skywalker. Then she had found the cave with her other selves, touched Ben's hand through the Force, confronted her master, flown to the Supremacy, Ben had killed Snoke, and they both had fought the Praetorian Guards in perfect harmony. When Rey had thought it was finally over, Ben had surprised her by wanting her to rule at his side. Turning him to the Light wasn't as easy as expected… She had left him after the destruction of Skywalker's lightsabre had knocked him out, her feelings in a swirl of dazzling emotions. But there had been no time to think as the battle of Crait had occurred and Rey saved the small rest of the Resistance on the Millennium Falcon. Shortly before closing the shuttle door, she had felt Ben in her mind again. She had felt his desperation as he kneeled on the floor of the old Rebel base, but she wasn't able to reach out to him again. She was just so disappointed in him…

She groaned in frustration, her body exhausted but her mind wide awake. Only a few hours ago she had shunned him, and now she missed him terribly… What was wrong with her? Of course, she hadn't lost hope for him, but it became more difficult to believe in the Light in him after he had turned on her today. They barely knew each other; they had just started to get to know each other. But still, there was something in him that made her want to be with him despite all the horrible things he had done.

Rey looked around. She had never had a room of her own before. On Jakku she had slept in an old space ship, and since then either on a shuttle or together with the other Resistance fighters in a general accommodation. She liked her room although it wasn't especially big and had no windows, with a bed, a small table and a chair squeezed inside. But the walls were in a warm orange colour and the beige carpet soft under her bare feet. She would have slept in a cell if it meant privacy and moments for herself and her thinking.

Finally, someone had heard Leia's pleas and an old friend of hers had invited them to his home town on Grese – a planet so far away that it would take the First Order a while to find them. Everyone had been relieved to see that they weren't the only ones left who would fight against the Darkness, though they were still a small batch of people willing to fight for peace in the galaxy.

Rey sighed as she thought about meeting her friends again. Leia had been so friendly towards her and even comforted her in her grief about Master Skywalker's loss and Ben's betrayal. Was this what the loving presence of a mother felt like?

She had also met Poe Dameron, an impulsive but good-natured, charming pilot. It was difficult not to like him – he had made her forget the day for a moment when they chatted amiably during dinner. Not to mention that he had helped Finn escape the First Order, which had started her whole adventure. Without him, she would still be on Jakku, ignorant about the Force, but also ignorant about Kylo Ren.

Finn… Being with him had been awkward today. When Kylo Ren had hurt him by slaying his back and Rey had gone to Ahch-To, she had believed that when they would meet again, they would kiss. There had been this certain connection between them. And it was obvious to her that he was still in love with her. But she had changed… She only felt friendship towards him now, the small spark that had fluttered in her stomach once was gone entirely. And there was this girl, Rose, who had kissed him (Poe had told her, although Rey had the feeling that Finn wouldn't want her to know). Rose had been injured in the battle and for the whole day Finn hadn't left her side, waiting desperately for her to wake up again… Rey would be happy for them if they came together. But it would also hurt her because it would make her think of the man she had started to fall in love with…

"Damn it," she murmured and stood up. She didn't want to think of him but it was difficult with him always in her mind, sometimes more prominent, sometimes almost vanished, but always there. "You're not alone," he had told her last night and he was right. With him in her mind, there was no possibility of being alone even if she wanted to. Without being able to stop herself, she remembered how his fingertips felt on hers, how her hand had used his hip for balance during their fight…

"Rey."

The voice startled her and she whipped around. Ben was standing only a few metres away from her, looking nervously at her – again without a shirt… Apparently, he only slept in pants...

Gulping, Rey spat: "What do you want?!"

Ben looked hurt – well he deserved it! "I couldn't sleep," he told her in a calm voice. "And I noticed that you had the same problem. I thought that maybe I could… help you."

She tried to stay calm but it was difficult. "I don't need your help," she replied angrily. "I don't even want to talk to you right now!"

"Why are you mad at me?" he asked in a real innocent voice, which didn't help Rey with her anger.

"You don't know that?!" She stepped closer and looked him firmly in the eye. "When you killed Snoke and fought with me against the Praetorian Guards I thought I had succeeded – that you were finally back in the Light. But then you wanted me to rule the galaxy with you! I'm just so disappointed in you, I can't tell you how much!"

"It's not that easy to switch from Darkness to Light," he returned a tad aggressively.

She didn't have the strength right now to deal with him, so she told him sternly: "Go." She turned around and wanted to walk away but his hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Please, Rey," he whispered, all the aggression gone again. "I don't know what to do without you."

She shook him off and hissed through gritted teeth: "Ben Solo! A part of me really wants to hurt you right now, so you better leave!"

He didn't move, but asked instead in an almost hopeful voice: "And the other part?"

But it was all too much for Rey, she didn't want to think of her feelings for him, so she cut their bond with force and pushed his presence out of her mind. Truly, when she moved around he was gone.

She fell onto her bed and started to cry. She cried for everything awful but also wonderful that had happened this day because the best of it – her moments of joy that Ben was at her side – had been destroyed by the horrible again. She cried until she felt sleepy. When she almost drifted away into the peaceful land of slumber, she heard his voice in her head, asking in a timid voice: _Have you given up on me?_

She couldn't lie to him even if she wanted to. And she felt not answering to him would distance them further, so she replied: _No. I will never give up on you, Ben._

She felt him smile in her mind and she fell asleep, with an equal smile on her lips.


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

The next morning after breakfast Rey searched for Leia. She found the general sitting on a bench in the green garden full of flowers, enjoying the sun with closed eyes.

"Leia?" Rey asked tentatively and the general's eyes opened. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Good morning, Rey," she smiled joyfully. "Of course, we can talk." She patted on the seat next to her and Rey sat down. "Now then, what is it?"

Rey bit her lip for a moment before she started: "Well, I wanted to ask you something personal. Technically it's not about you but I guess it's still very personal."

After Leia had assured her that she could ask whatever was in her mind, Rey took a deep breath and admitted: "I wanted to ask about Ben's childhood."

The general blinked a few times before she beamed. "You're trying to bring him back to the Light, aren't you?"

Rey nodded slightly. "Yes, I _try_. It's not very easy, to be honest…"

"I don't believe it is," Leia sighed. "So you think that knowing more about my son will help you with your quest?"

Rey shrugged, for she didn't know what else to say. Maybe it was completely unimportant to know more about him if Snoke had succeeded to infiltrate his mind completely. But she was almost certain that something in his childhood or adolescence must be the key why he was so keen for the Dark.

"All right then," Leia started and her gaze drifted towards the blue sky as she began to tell. "As an only child and with very busy parents, Ben was mostly on his own. He never had any real friends, only acquaintances with whom he sometimes spent some time. So most of the day he sat in his room and read. He was fascinated with the war of the Jedi and the Sith and I believe he has read every book about this topic in the library of Coruscant. Naturally, he was so happy when Luke told him that the Force was strong with him, and he begged me to go with his Uncle to train as a Jedi. Although it was hard for me, I agreed; it was seldom that he was happy. I would have never thought that his departure would be the moment we would lose him…" Leia sighed and Rey took her hand in compassion. Here they were, the two most important women in Kylo Ren's life and the ones that loved him the most…

"Do you have any idea why he is so susceptible to the Dark side of the Force?" Rey asked.

The general looked at her with sad eyes. "I can only imagine that he was also fascinated with Darth Vader. His grandfather," she clarified at Rey's frown.

Rey often forgot that Leia was the daughter of the former most evil person in the universe and that therefore Kylo Ren was the grandchild of Darth Vader… She remembered seeing in Ben's mind that he was afraid of failing to become like Darth Vader but only now did she understand why. He was his grandfather.

"Maybe he wanted to step into his footsteps," Leia continued. "And with Snoke whispering him false ideas into his mind, like no one would care for him, and that his parents abandoned him, it's not so hard to understand why a lone boy would crave for the power of the Darkness."

Rey's eyes suddenly lit up. "So we just have to show him that we care for him? That he doesn't need the Dark, because we love him as he is?"

Only at Leia's heart-warming smile, Rey realised what she had just said. That she loved Ben… She blushed crimson in embarrassment but thankfully Leia didn't comment on her slip of the tongue but instead told her something absolutely incredible.

"Do you know that when the First Order fired on our ships, the day I was sucked into space, Ben could have shot the bridge? But he didn't."

Rey's eyes widened in surprise. "How do you know that?"

"Though I am no Jedi, the Force is also strong with me. I have a connection with my son, I can feel where he is, when he is near. He hesitated and then he flew away. Someone else shot the bridge." She smiled gently. "There is definitely still good in him, despite what he did to Han."

Rey slowly nodded. "Yes, I think so, too." She could feel his conflict whirling around, she just had to find a way to make him stable for the Light.


	3. Chapter 3

THREE

"You believe I've betrayed you."

Rey turned around and was glad that she had been alone in her room. "Yes, I do," she told him without any greeting. He didn't greet her as well. "You finally figured that out?" she further spat at him.

He merely nodded. For a man known to lose his temper regularly, he was calmer than expected. "Yes, I did. I meditated on your behaviour and the reasons why, and this is what I've come up with."

Rey tried to hide her surprise. Her opinion of him was so important that he had meditated on it?! "And have you also found out _why_ I feel betrayed?"

He grimaced. "I'm not entirely sure," he admitted. "But I'd like you to hear my theory and tell me if I'm right or not."

She nodded and sat down on the bed. He took the chair at the small table, which made her frown. "Can you see my surroundings?!"

He smirked and suddenly he looked like his father. "Yes, I'm able to see your room right now. It's nice."

"Then I have to be more careful where I'm going, I guess," Rey concluded but he shook his head at once.

"I would never abuse the trust you're giving me through our Force bond." And because of the Force, she knew he meant it.

"So," Rey came back to the actual topic. "Why do I feel betrayed?"

He nodded and started analytically: "You came to me on the Supremacy because when our fingers touched, you had a vision of me, or probably, us in the future. And it involved me turning back to the Light somehow. So, you came to rescue me from the Dark, right?"

She curtly nodded, her lips pressed together in a mixture of hurt, embarrassment, and anger.

"And when I killed Snoke instead of you and we both fought the Guards, you thought you had succeeded. That I've turned my back on the Dark side. Therefore, when I offered you my hand to convince you to join me instead of the other way around, you felt betrayed by me." He looked her directly in the eyes, as if trying to see into her mind, her inner thoughts, that which the Force could not give him. "Am I correct?"

"Yes," she finally whispered and sounded sad. "My vision was so beautiful, I wanted it to be true, but you've destroyed that hope forever." She gulped and had to blink a few times. She looked away, angry with herself for letting him show how much he had hurt her. "I've trusted you."

"I know," he replied at once. "Otherwise, you would have never come. But," here he stood up and came a few feet nearer to her, "I want you to know that I also feel betrayed by you."

She looked astonished at him. "How so?"

"Well, I've also had a wonderful vision that you've destroyed when you didn't take my hand." Finally, he showed his temper, gritting his teeth and balling his fists. But instead of thrashing her room with his lightsaber (or at least trying to do so, for they knew they couldn't harm each other through their bond and also not move any objects in the other's surroundings), he breathed evenly in and out and relaxed again.

"Maybe," Rey slowly stated and stood up to meet him in the middle of the room, "it's time to show each other our visions."

He nodded in agreement and offered his hand once more. "Mine first, if you please."

She nodded and gave him finally her hand.

.

_Rey stands on the bridge of Kylo Ren's personal ship, the Finalizer. She wears a beautiful red dress and her hair is made in a fashionable style – she looks like a true queen. The galaxy is at peace, under control of the First Order. There is slavery, yes, and suppression, but no war and the system finally works._

_Kylo Ren stands next to her, wearing a black long cloak, even more formidable than what he is usually wearing. He looks at her and his eyes are full of love. "My empress," he smiles at her and gives her hand a kiss._

_Rey smiles back at him and together they rule over the galaxy as the Supreme Emperor and Empress._

.

Rey blinked rapidly when the vision ended, only barely noticing that she was still holding his hand. "Now mine," she whispered and let the energy flow between them.

.

_Rey stands on a meadow, greener as anything she has ever seen, with colourful flowers around them and a cloudless sky. It is a perfect summer day. This planet is the new capital of another New Republic that rules the galaxy peacefully and without any slavery or suppression._

_"Rey," Ben says and her name has never been spoken more beautifully._

_Rey turns around and beams at him._

_He comes out of their small house into the garden, a glass of lemonade in his hand. "My mother sends her regards," he tells her and there is no regret or bitterness in his voice. He seems utterly happy. "She says everything's fine."_

_"Good," Rey replies and kisses him._

_They smile at each other in love._

.

As soon as her vision ended, he loosened his grip from her hand and sat down on the bed with a shocked face.

Rey felt the same overwhelming moment and sat down next to him. For a while, they remained silent, both processing the other's vision, until he spoke first.

"What now?" he wanted to know and sounded desperate.

She sighed and then looked him straight in the eyes. "I can tell you with absolute certainty that I will never join you and the First Order, no matter what."

His shoulders sank in disappointment, so she continued quickly: "However, there was something in your vision that I liked."

Here he looked hopeful at her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn't let him speak. "I want you to think about that. And about my vision. If you would like that life. And what was the key element in both our visions." And before he could react in any way, she shoved him out of her mind, and therefore out of her room. She needed time to think, to be alone, or she would do something rash. Because from his vision it was obvious that he loved her, and from hers it was obvious that she loved him…


	4. Chapter 4

FOUR

The next morning Rey decided that it was finally time to stop avoiding Finn. Though their relationship was complicated at the moment, he was still her friend! Probably even best friend. So after a lonely breakfast, she entered the Hospital Wing where Finn still sat next to an unconscious Rose.

"Hey," she spoke softly and slowly stepped closer to them. She felt like an intruder.

Finn quickly looked at her and smiled warmly. "Hey."

"How is she?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Better, but still not awake. The medical droids say we just have to wait."

Rey nodded and gently put a hand on his shoulder. "She'll be alright," she tried to comfort him although her words sounded meaningless to her. But there was never anything really helpful you can say in these situations.

He nodded once but kept his eyes on Rose.

"Are _you_ alright?" Rey continued and scrutinised her friend. He had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in days – which he probably hadn't.

Again he shrugged. "I'll survive." He even managed a smile though it wasn't genuine.

"If you want, I can watch over her for a while, so you get some sleep," Rey offered although it would make her uncomfortable. But she had the feeling she owed him something. And he did look tired.

Finn looked torn between her offer and his wish to stay close to Rose. "Nah, I'll manage but thanks."

"No," Rey insisted and decided to better be a loyal friend than to let her own feelings get in the way in this complicated triangle. Maybe even rectangle if you counted Ben as well. "No, you need some decent sleep. I'll keep a good eye on her, I promise."

When he still looked uncertain, she started to joke: "Come on, I have the Force with me. Nothing's going to happen to her."

Here he cracked a smile and finally nodded. "Okay, but if she wakes up, you call me at once."

"Of course," she replied.

Slowly Finn stood up from his stool, stretched his muscles and after one longing glance at Rose, he left the room.

Rey sighed when he was gone and sat down on the chair next to Rose's bed, no sounds but the machines around them buzzing. She looked at the woman before her. She probably wasn't objectively seen as a beauty under Galactic standards but Rey saw something special in her, and although it was strange to think of Finn with someone else than her, she herself didn't want to be together with him in that kind of way, so it would be nice for Finn to have someone at his side. And their relationship probably wouldn't be very complicated – not like hers and Ben's…

Rey sighed once more and then meditated to improve her Jedi skills – and keep Ben Solo out of her head! It was difficult but after a while, she concentrated on Rose's steady breaths and that helped.

It was a couple of hours later when Finn came back to the Hospital Wing, looking much more rested and upbeat.

"Thanks again," he smiled at her.

"Sure, no problem," she replied casually and stood to meet him. "No changes, I'm afraid."

He smiled sadly. "She'll be alright, I just know it."

Rey merely nodded, at loss of more meaningless words, so she hugged him instead.

At first, he seemed startled by it but then he embraced her back, firmly and full of love.

She automatically nestled closer to him although she knew it was wrong – it felt like playing with his feelings – but she had no one else she could get comfort from, and she needed it as much as he did, she suddenly realised.

He gently loosened himself from her and looked her deeply in the eyes. "Rey," he started with a low voice and a part of her was afraid of what he was going to say. "Rey, I… there is something I have to tell you."

She gulped and waited patiently for him but while he struggled to form coherent words with his mouth, they were interrupted by a quiet: "Finn?"

Finn's attention swept from Rey to Rose in one second and in the next he was at her side, taking her hand in his and talking to her with joy in his voice.

Rose slowly opened her eyes and glanced at Finn with love in her eyes.

The picture stung Rey's heart and so she quickly left the room without saying goodbye. It stung not because she would have wanted Finn for herself, but because she wanted someone fretting over her like that – and Ben wasn't the best candidate for a healthy, normal relationship full of love and trust…


	5. Chapter 5

FIVE

When Rey opened her eyes in the middle of the night and was only a few inches away from the peaceful sleeping face of Ben, she couldn't help but yelp and spring out of bed.

Ben was instantly awake and looked confused at his whereabouts.

"What are you doing in my bed?" Rey inquired loudly.

"I don't know," he replied and sounded honest. "I was dreaming about you. Maybe the Force connected us in our sleep."

"You were dreaming about me?" Rey's anger turned into surprise in an instant.

"Yes, well," he mumbled evasively, and it seemed to her that he was slightly blushing.

Knocked out of their beginning argument, Rey sat back on the bed and pulled the blanket over her legs, since it was rather cold in her room at night.

Ben sat up and leaned against the headboard, staring at her. "So what now?" he asked casually. "Are you throwing me out of your mind again?"

"Maybe," she shrugged. She liked his presence, but she would never admit that, of course.

He smirked, however, and it seemed as if he knew. "Well then. How was your day?"

She arched an eyebrow at him.

"What?" he wanted to know.

"You're asking me about my day?" she asked incredulously.

"Why not? Do you have something else to talk about?"

She thought about this for a moment before she decided to risk his anger at her next questions. "Yes, there is in fact. I'd like to know why you killed your father and wanted to kill your uncle."

He didn't even flinch when he heard her accusing voice but simply looked at her seriously and stated in a calm manner: "I killed my father because I thought it would make me feel whole again."

"But it didn't?" Rey couldn't believe that he was answering her, and calmly above all.

He sighed. "No, it didn't."

"And Master Skywalker?"

Here his jaw clenched. "Well, you know that he wanted to kill me first, many years ago."

"A misunderstanding," Rey quickly interposed and at his questioning glance continued. "Master Skywalker told me that he wanted to kill you for a moment but then had stopped himself. But you still saw him with his raised lightsaber and misinterpreted the situation."

"But he _had_ wanted to kill me?"

She let her head sink in shame and whispered: "Yes. He had feared your powers."

"It is my fortune then that he is gone now," he replied in a hard tone.

Rey didn't know how to answer so she remained quiet.

"I know their losses must be hard for you," he then surprised her by saying in a comforting voice. "They were like the father you never had, especially Han."

She looked up at him trying to have an emotionless face although he was spot on.

"But you don't need parents. You are so strong on your own, independent. You don't need anyone."

_That's not true_, she thought as she looked into his handsome face. Loudly she said: "You mentioned you knew who my parents were."

He nodded and waited for her to continue to speak.

"Can you tell me more about them?"

"I'm not sure you would enjoy that," he replied. "They don't seem like good parents to me."

"Still," she insisted. "I have been wondering about them my whole life. I can only get closure if I know more about them." _I hope_, she added in her thoughts. "Please."

He sighed. "Very well." And then he told her all he knew about them – their names, their looks, their trades, that they never wanted any children and were utterly overwhelmed with a daughter, how their relationship almost broke, how they fled into the comforting arms of alcohol and how they, in the end, sold their own daughter for drinking money and shortly after that died in poverty, now buried in a pauper's grave on Jakku.

Rey had started to silently cry during his tale and was glad he didn't stop. This felt like purging to her and it felt good. "Thank you," she whispered when he was finished. "Thank you for telling me."

He examined her with concerned eyes. "Are you alright?"

She nodded eagerly and wiped away her tears.

"Do you have any other questions?"

She shook her head. Nothing at the moment at least; her head felt empty.

Suddenly he repositioned himself so that he was looking at her directly. "Then I have a question for you."

She nodded for him to go on.

"Why didn't you kill me in the Throne Room?" It seemed like something he had puzzled about for quite some time now.

Rey gasped in surprise. She started to say something a few times before she calmly breathed in and announced seriously: "I never wanted to kill you."

"Not even the first time we met?"

"The very first time perhaps and directly after you killed Han, but later no. I don't know why but there has always been something about you that has made me curious. And then I read your mind and saw that you were just scared. And suddenly human. And I don't kill humans." Her cheeks started to heat up in embarrassment.

He simply nodded and they remained silent for a while, both in their thoughts.

It was Rey who spoke again, her tone calm. "Leia has told me that you could have shot the bridge of our ship but that you didn't. That you spared her."

He sighed as an answer.

"Why?" Rey wanted to know and looked at him closely. She desperately tried to understand him. "Why could you kill your father so easily, but you spared your mother's life?"

"The relationship with my mother has always been different than that with my father," he started to open up, facing Rey. "While Han was always cruising the galaxy, mother always tried to make me feel better. She gave me full access to the Coruscant library when she had discovered that I loved books. She always knew when I wanted to be alone and when I needed her company. She soon gave up inviting other boys to our house so that I could make some friends. I was not interested in making friends. I just wanted to read."

Rey escaped a smile at the image of a young Ben fully engrossed in a good novel.

"I had the feeling she of all people understood me best. She even agreed to let me go with Uncle Luke to train as a Jedi."

Rey sensed a 'but'. "What happened?"

He looked down, focusing on some invisible spot. "She never visited me," he replied bitterly. "For years she only wrote letters, telling me that she was too busy to come to the academy. Too busy for her own son!" he exclaimed and stomped his fist on the mattress. "And I soon realised how glad my parents were to get rid of me."

Rey wanted to counter this idea, but he quickly continued.

"So I started to harbour dark feelings. I wanted to be the best and show them how great I was. I quickly found my Skywalker powers and experimented a lot on my own until my powers rivalled no one's, except Luke's, of course." He sighed deeply. "And then Snoke came and filled my head with pictures of revenge and power, and I finally… took my chance."

A grave silence fell over the room after this confession.

"You know, Leia has told me how much she regrets of letting you go," Rey spoke in a soft voice. "She had only agreed because you seemed so happy about going. But I have the feeling that she's been missing you terribly these last years."

He didn't give any feelings away but stared blankly into the room.

Rey sensed that he needed a minute to think so she let him.

"You always have the opportunity to come to the Light again, you know," she then offered after a while, having the feeling that now could be the time to reach him.

"What if I can't?" he whispered.

"Of course, you can," she persisted and took his hands while looking him straight in the eyes. "You want to, don't you?"

He took a moment to think about this, before admitting: "I believe I do."

"Then that is the first step," she smiled.

"But it's just so hard. Every time I try to step towards the Light, something Dark catches me and retracts me back."

"But if Darth Vader could do it, so can you." It was her triumph, she now realised. His grandfather had been his idol since he had been a teenager. "Anakin Skywalker was born a good person and he also died a good person. If he could do it, so can you." Without thinking about it, she started to brush her thumb over his hand.

Ben then looked at their joined hands, but Rey couldn't read his facial expression.

"What are you thinking?" she therefore asked.

"How nice your hand feels in mine," he replied in a quiet tone, then looked her intensely in the eyes.

Rey swallowed and suddenly the situation became too much for her. She cleared her throat, took her hand back and announced: "I think it's time for sleep now."

"Yes, you're right." He seemed as embarrassed as she. "I'll try to go." He closed his eyes for a few seconds but nothing happened. "I guess you have to kick me out again," he shrugged.

"Okay." This time Rey closed her eyes.

"Sleep well," Ben whispered.

"You, too," she replied, then with a determined _GO!_ in her mind she pushed him out. When she opened her eyes, she was disappointed to be alone.


	6. Chapter 6

SIX

The next morning Finn called Rey over at breakfast in the cafeteria. Rose sat next to him and although Rey didn't really want to be with them right now, she couldn't think of a way to let down her friend easily. So she went to them and sat down.

"Rose, this is Rey", Finn introduced proudly.

"Nice to finally meet you", Rose smiled but there was something off about her smile. "Finn has told me so much about you."

"Same here", Rey merely mumbled.

"Can I get you ladies some juice?" Finn then offered and when the women nodded, he went towards the counter with the food and drinks.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"I'm glad you're feeling better", Rey said and hoped to sound sincere.

"Yes, thank you."

Another silence.

"So, you're the famous Rey", Rose then stated.

"You're the famous Rose", she replied.

Rose's gaze fell on Finn for a moment, who looked to them and waved from his spot in the line. "You know that he loves you", Rose suddenly blurted and sounded sad.

"But I don't love him", Rey whispered. It would be helpful to be honest with her since she had no inclinations to her being jealous over nothing.

The other woman widened her eyes in surprise.

Rey had to smile. "But you know that he likes you too, don't you?"

"Maybe", Rose admitted and blushed.

"You're good for him. He needs you." _Because I can never give him what he wants_, she thought.

"Maybe", Rose sighed again. "But I kissed him on Crait and he hasn't even acknowledged that," she confided in Rey.

"He probably just needs more time to sort his feelings."

Rose smiled ghostlily. "Never fighting what we hate, but always saving what we love," she whispered.

Rey wanted to ask about that strange line but in that moment Finn came back with their juices and the conversation turned to lighter topics.


	7. Chapter 7

SEVEN

Rey woke up at night. She was lying on her side and so the first thing she saw when her eyes opened was the sleeping face of Ben. He looked very peaceful and so young. Like the man, he could have become, had it not been for Snoke.

Then she realised that she wasn't in her room anymore. This time they lay in his bed. His bedroom was dark, with no windows, the only light came from under the door. Everything was in a sterile black and white, no colours, no paintings, no flowers or other decorations. Except for one book that was lying on his nightstand.

Rey looked back at Ben's face and noticed the scar she had given him. She felt sorry these days that she had given it to him though at the time of her attack it didn't feel enough for the pain he had brought her by killing his father. Like in trance she stretched out her fingers and traced the forever-visible line slightly. Then her fingers touched his hair and she was surprised how soft it felt. She thought about Rose's statement: _Never fighting what we hate, but always saving what we love_. It felt true for them although and love and hate lay dangerously close.

Suddenly Ben's eyes opened and Rey pulled back her hand. For a while, they simply lay on the bed, looking at each other.

"Have you thought about our visions?" she finally asked him.

He nodded. Then slowly he raised his hand and stroked her cheek gently, wiping a strand of hair out of her face. "I like yours better", he then whispered.

Rey smiled. "Me, too."

With caution, Ben raised his head and came nearer and nearer. His eyes looked at hers as if he was trying to find something in them, and apparently she obliged because the corners of his mouth lifted and he pressed his lips onto hers. First, slowly, gently, but when Rey sighed and kissed him back, their kiss became more urgent. In an instant he was lying on top of her, his arms under her back, her arms around his neck and in his hair.

Rey realised that she was ready to go all the way with him, that she had wanted this for a long while, and she probably would have done it – if they would not have been interrupted.

The door opened with a loud bang and General Hux stormed inside. "Ren, I need to talk to you right n-", he started, then noticed the scene before him. "What is this?", he asked shocked.

Ben got out of the bed quickly and took his lightsaber.

"Why are you involved with this Jedi scum?", Hux demanded to know. "She is the ene-" He couldn't say more, because Kylo Ren had put his lightsaber right into his chest. When the lightsaber was pulled out again, the body fell lifelessly to the ground.

Rey gasped in shock. "Why did you do that?" she screamed.

Ben turned around. "He saw us", he simply replied.

"That's not a reason to kill him!"

He wrinkled his forehead, apparently he didn't understand her angry outburst.

"I can't be with you right now", she told him disappointed and left his mind. The next moment she was back in her own bedroom, everything dark, no red light, and no corpse. She sat on her bed and put her arms around her knees. Breathing felt difficult and she couldn't get the images out of her head. One moment he was kissing her and the next he killed someone. Yes, it was probably good for the Resistance that Hux was dead, he was one of the higher generals of the First Order, but still. He had to die because he had seen her and the Supreme Leader together. And it made Rey realise what she had done. _Our love is forbidden. I betrayed the Resistance, Hux was right, he is the enemy_. But she knew she couldn't abandon him. He probably needed her love and acceptance above all if he was supposed to ever return to the Light.

She could feel that he was trying to reach her during the night but she couldn't deal with him right now. She needed time to get over what has happened and figure out how to handle this situation. She had to make him realise how wrong his actions had been. Maybe he also thought that it was a mistake. But what if not? She couldn't love someone who kills another person when it suits him.


	8. Chapter 8

EIGHT

The next morning General Leia called an urgent meeting and almost all of the leaders of the Resistance met in the conference room.

"We have heard strange reports", she told them. "It seems as if the First Order is destroyed."

There were looks of surprise and scepticism, but Poe spoke the words that everyone was thinking: "What? But how? We didn't do anything."

"Is there another Resistance that we don't know of?" Finn speculated.

But Leia shook her head. "It seems as if the First Order was destroyed from within."

Rey puzzled over this. Who would destroy the First Order from within? Had there been a commotion when the others found out that Hux had been killed by the Supreme Leader? But who would go against such a mighty Force user such as Ben? Before she could think of a solution, however, Leia continued to speak and her eyes met hers.

"The Finalizer was destroyed as well."

Rey widened her eyes in fear. _That's Ben's ship!_

"And Kylo Ren?" Poe asked matter-of-factly.

"We haven't heard anything, yet", Leia replied and sounded sad." But I can feel he's still alive."

She was right, Rey realised. She would have felt it if he were dead.

"What do we do now?" Rose asked.

"I believe it is best to wait for more information on what has happened."

When they were dismissed, Rey ran back into her room and tried to find Ben through their bond but he didn't respond. She could feel him, however: he was in danger somehow. She tried a few times more to reach him virtually, then decided to look for him in reality. Which meant that she needed a ship. She was half on her way to the Millennium Falcon when she remembered that Chewbacca had been tasked on a mission to get a man called Lando Calrissian on board of their Resistance operations and had flown off. _I need Poe_, she then realised and cursed. He would never agree to her plan. _So I need Finn first_.

Nodding determined she marched around the base in search of her best friend, until she found him still near the conference room, talking to an officer that Rey didn't know.

"Finn, I need to talk to you", she interrupted their conversation urgently.

Finn quickly excused himself from the officer and went with her into a corner to be out of earshot. "What is it?"

"Do you trust me?" she asked at once.

Finn seemed baffled by that question but answered "Yes" anyway.

"Does Poe trust you?" she continued.

"I believe so, yes, why?"

"Good", she nodded. "Because I need his help."

Together they went looking for Poe, while Finn asked a lot of questions that Rey ignored. The pilot was luckily for them already in the hangar and repaired something on his ship with BB8's help.

"Poe!" Rey shouted and ran to him. "We need your help."

Poe looked confused at them. "What happened?"

"I need you to clear a signal for me so I can get one of the major ships."

"Why do you need that?"

"That' not important, I just do."

"No way, I need a solid reason for that. From what I've heard you can be very reckless."

_Me?_ she thought but stopped herself. "Look, Poe, do you trust Finn?"

"With my life", the pilot stated at once.

"And Finn trusts me, so by extension, you trust me as well, right?"

"I guess."

"So I need a ship."

He thought about this for a moment, then nodded. "Fine, but I'll come with you."

"Me, too", Finn added quickly.

"No way."

"Then there will be no deal."

Rey stared into Poe's eyes and soon realised that the pilot wouldn't bend. She thought about using some Jedi tricks on him but Poe was not weak-minded.

"Alright", she grunted. "But we have to hurry."

"This way", Poe told them and led the way to a middle-sized ship. "Is this big enough?"

"I hope so". She wasn't sure what she really needed, maybe a small fast ship would be better, but if she had to rescue Ben in some way, the bigger ship would be helpful. And maybe also Finn and Poe, though they could also turn against her.

_No!_ she thought. _There is no time to think about this now. I need to find him, no matter what!_ She could still sense his feelings of anxiety and fear. Still in danger.

Poe started the engines, Rey helped as his co-pilot, and together they made their way out of the hangar, the atmosphere and into space.

"So, where are we going?" Poe wanted to know, ready to type in the coordinates.

"Where the Finalizer was last known to be."

"What?" he exclaimed.

"Remember the trust and just do it", she replied fiercely

"Fine", he retreated. "But if we get into trouble it's your fault."

"As if you wouldn't like some trouble", Finn grumbled.

There Poe started to grin, typed in the coordinates into the computer and a second later they were in hyperspace.


	9. Chapter 9

NINE

The ride was short although it felt like ages for Rey. Fearfully, she clung to the feeling of Ben in her mind and hoped that they wouldn't be too late to save him from whatever he needed saving from.

When the ship came out of hyperspace, all three of them gasped. The space was littered with millions of pieces from destroyed ships. Along with the metal scraps and wires, stormtroopers and officers in dark uniforms floated dead through the vacuum. It was a horrible sight although this was the enemy that had been destroyed.

Rey looked around until she saw a half of the Finalizer, the rest completely destroyed. Trying not to panic she closed her eyes and searched for Ben's presence. At first, the signal was only small but the more she concentrated on him, the stronger the connection became until she knew where to find him.

She opened her eyes and looked in the direction where Ben had to be. "Poe", she said, "please navigate the ship over there." She pointed in the right direction.

Poe stirred the ship slowly around the corpses and metal junk until after a large part of a ship's wing an escape pod came into view.

"There!" she shouted excitedly. "We have to get that escape pod on board."

"And who is in there if I might ask?" Poe demanded to know but Rey was already on her way into the middle of the ship.

The escape pod was soaked to the ship and the door opened. The Supreme Leader of the First Order stepped out of it, his face and hands full of cuts and bruises, his cloak shredded, his eyes weary.

"Ben!" Rey shouted relieved and hugged him firmly. "You're alright!"

"More or less", he mumbled wincing and embraced her back.

"What the heck!" Poe shouted as he came into the room.

Finn was directly behind him and his eyes bulged when he saw Rey and Ben together. "What is going on here?" he asked confused.

"It's complicated", Rey replied. "But you have to trust me."

Poe gazed directly at Ben when he asked: "What happened out here?"

"I destroyed the First Order", Ben replied calmly. His knees gave in a bit and he had to use Rey's shoulder for balance.

"What?" Rey asked astonished while helping him to sit on the nearest bench.

"Why would you do that?" Poe spat. "You are their Supreme Leader."

"I have realised that what the First Order is doing is wrong."

"Have you now?" Poe didn't seem convinced and Finn was also raising his eyebrows.

"Rey helped me realise it", Ben admitted and smiled at her.

She had her eyes on Ben, so she realised too late that Poe had pointed a weapon at him.

"Kylo Ren, you are under arrest of the Resistance", he declared firmly. "Give me your weapons and surrender yourself."

"No!" Rey screamed and stood in front of him. "No, please don't. Just let us go."

"It's alright, Rey", Ben said and put a hand on her arm. "I am ready to face the consequences of what I have done." He gave his lightsaber to Poe and let himself be chained up.

Rey stayed with him, still shocked about the latest events when Poe and Finn returned to the cockpit and started to fly the ship back to the Base.

She sat down next to him on the bench again but stared blankly onto the floor. "Why did you do that?" she asked after a while with a hollow voice.

"For you", he stated firmly.

She looked at him confused. "But why?"

He gazed her in the eyes. "Because I love you."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. "But all those people!" she told him shocked. "All these innocent Stormtroopers." Like Finn once was. "Was there no other way to destroy the First Order?!"

"I didn't know any other way. Not this efficiently and quickly."

She sighed heavily and averted her eyes.

"Are you mad at me?" he tentatively asked after a few moments.

"I don't know," she replied honestly, before adding: "No, not really." She knew that in his point of view, what he had done counted as good. It would be her part to teach him anew the difference between good and evil since Snoke had misguided him so much.

"And… can you forgive me?"

She looked at him, saw the guilt in his face and nodded.

He sighed relieved.

"But you have to learn that killing isn't the answer!"

He nodded repeatedly. "I promise I will."

"Good," she simply said, before leaning her head against his arm. She suddenly felt tired. What another eventful day had passed.

He put his arm around her and stroked her back and hair.

For a moment there were only the sounds of the ship around them.

"There will be a trial," Rey told him after a while.

He nodded but tensed.

"I'm afraid of its outcome," she then whispered.

"Better than being killed on the spot," he mumbled sarcastically.

She lifted her head and looked at him passionately. "I will not let that happen! They can't do that! And we have Leia on our side."

He tightened his grip around her. "It'll be okay," he smiled bravely although she could feel the same fear in him that she felt. But that was the path to the Dark side of the Force. He needed love.

So Rey raised her head and gave him a short but loving kiss before she rested her head against his side again.

Ben continued to stroke her side, smiling at himself despite the grim events to come. She had said 'we' and she had kissed him.


	10. Chapter 10

TEN

The next few days happened in a blur for Rey. Ben was put into a dark, clammy prison cell and she tried to be with him as often as possible, but once the trial started she wasn't allowed to see him anymore, in case they would try to manipulate the outcome of the trial or something sinister like that.

She had had a long talk with Finn where she had tried to explain everything about her and Ben.

"But he's the Supreme Leader of the First Order!" Finn had exclaimed after her tale.

Rey had smiled at him as only someone in love could. "He is so much more than that."

Although Finn didn't seem to understand her relationship with Ben, he tried to accept it. He did, however, avoid her the next day and started to go holding hands with Rose.

Rey hoped that he truly wanted to be with her and didn't just use her because she was willingly there for him…

The trial started with stating the evidence. Everything the Resistance had collected about the doings of the First Order was brought into the light and the judges (which consisted of seven different high members of the Resistance) tried to find out Kylo Ren's involvement in these crimes. Leia wasn't allowed to be a judge since her son was the accused.

Ben was very cooperative and told everyone what he knew and also what of these crimes were his doing and which he had no idea about.

After three days of laying down the evidence, the testimonies began. Leia was allowed to do that at least and she told the judges and the audience about Ben's childhood and adolescence. She was able to create pity with the lonesome boy that Ben had once been and probably still was. She blamed herself for being too busy for her own son's attention so that Snoke got into his head so easily and at the end of her speech, most of the people wanted to blame Snoke as well and forgot about the free will of Kylo Ren.

But then Finn was called to the witness stand and he was asked about his life as a stormtrooper. At first, he started to tell about the horrors of his childhood in training for the First Order but he also admitted that Kylo Ren had nothing to do with that, that it was all General Hux' doing. However, after harsh questions of the judges, he told them that everyone on the various ships was afraid of Kylo Ren because he tended to hurt people with his Force Skills and trashed the whole place with his lightswords when in a tantrum. Then he also told them about the killing of the village on Jakku where they found part of Skywalker's map.

The next witness was Poe who more openly explained what had happened on Jakku and how he had been tortured by Kylo Ren about Skywalker's whereabouts.

There were a dozen more who testified against Ben and in the end, it didn't look good.

"We have to do something," Rey told Leia urgently after the last day of witnesses. "They're going to sentence him!"

Leia sighed defeated. "What do you want me to do? This is not a dictatorship, I have not more power than others."

"But you're their leader!"

"But I'm not a tyrant."

Rey considered this. "Then maybe you can talk to the judges. Remind them of the good things in Ben."

"And manipulate them? This is not the way. If Ben is sentenced, we all have to live with the consequences."

Rey looked at her disappointed, so Leia put a hand on her shoulder.

"He has done terrible things; he can't simply go free."

Rey knew the general was right but she didn't want to admit it so she remained silent, her brain actively searching for a way out of this dilemma.

The next day the judges spoke their verdict: "After long consideration, we sentence Ben Solo, also known as Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, to death."

The crowd gasped and started to whisper. Rey and Leia exchanged a horrified look. They had thought the worst that could happen was life in prison – but death?!

"We know that this verdict is rather radical," the main judge continued loudly, "but since we are simply not capable to maintain a Force user such as the accused, we cannot guarantee his life in prison. He is way too dangerous and unpredictable to be left alive."

Rey searched for Ben's eyes but he was staring at the floor, probably in shock. He let himself be taken back into his cell without a fight.


	11. Chapter 11

ELEVEN

Ben lay on his bed in his prison cell and stared at the ceiling. It was the middle of the night but he couldn't sleep, for this would be his last night. Tomorrow morning he would be executed. He could, of course, escape but he would never reach Rey in time before he was blasted by hundreds of Resistance soldiers, and without Rey fleeing made no sense to him.

Suddenly he heard a commotion outside of his cell and stood up quickly. What was going on out there? Some Resistance fighters who wanted to end him before the morrow?

The door opened and he raised his arms in defence. But it was only Rey.

"Let's go," she told him urgently and took his hand.

She led him out of the cell, and he saw his guards unconscious on the floor. "What are you doing?" he wanted to know confused.

She didn't slow her pace when she responded passionately: "I will not let them kill you. You belong with me and I belong with you – and together we will flee the Resistance and the First Order once and for all. I'm done with them." _Saving what I love, not destroying what I hate._

"Let the past die," he murmured and started to like the idea. As long as he was with her, it didn't matter where they were.

They made it out of the Resistance camp and into a ship undetected. Maybe Rey had already cleared the way when she came to him. She started the engines, Ben worked as her co-pilot, and they were in hyperspace and out of reach in no time.


	12. Chapter 12

EPILOGUE

Rey stood on a meadow, greener than anything she had ever seen, with colourful flowers around them and a cloudless sky. It was a perfect summer day. This planet was their new home, while another New Republic ruled the galaxy peacefully and without any slavery or suppression.

"Rey," Ben spoke her name softly as it was a precious artefact.

Rey turned around and beamed at him.

He came out of their small house into the garden, a glass of lemonade in his hand. "My mother sends her regards," he told her and there was no regret or bitterness in his voice. He seemed utterly happy. When everything had settled down with the rest of the First Order and the Resistance, which now mostly formed the New Republic, they had been able to tell Leia of their whereabouts. It was good not to live in total isolation anymore. Mother and son had sat down to talk and had over time revolved their issues. "She says everything's fine in the Senate."

"Good," Rey replied and kissed him firmly.

_I love you_, he told her through their Force bond.

Rey couldn't hide a grin as she liked the idea of communicating without having to stop the kiss. _I love you, too_, she thought back and felt his smile under her lips.

THE END.

_I'm very excited for tomorrow's film and have only one thing to say to you all: May the Force be with you! :) _


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